Second trimester already?

Today I am 14w2d pregnant and officially being in my second trimester is completely surreal to me.  We've officially gone public so no more long deliberations in the morning about what to wear that may somewhat cover the ever increasing bump (even if it is mostly bloat).  I've finally stopped throwing up every time I brush my teeth, and while I'm still fully capable of falling asleep mid-sentence, my energy level has definitely improved. 

Chillin' in the mommy hammock

The one problem with second trimester is that it puts me back in limbo as far as "feeling pregnant" goes.  As endearing as the nausea (with or without barfing), constant burping, bloating, sore boobs and mild narcolepsy was in past weeks, it gave me a connection to the little sproggin that was undeniable.  Now I'm feeling 10x better, but am left with fluttering around my uterus which may or may not be gas.  It's another 10 days until my next appointment when I will hopefully get to see the baby again and view what kind of acrobatics are going on in there. 

I know it's FAR too early to be buying things for the nursery, but my head is already wrapped up with colors and ideas.  Husband submitted to a walk around Babies R Us so we could get an idea of what is out there.  We were overwhelmed by options and he was greatly amused by the concept of a stroller with shocks (you know, for all baby off-roading we plan on doing).  It's kinda funny to look at all the stuff that we supposedly "need" for baby, but I suspect I'm thinking more on the minimalist side.  Meanwhile, I know that family members will probably want to buy absolutely everything that may be perceived as making our lives more convenient, while it gives me a mild case of anxiety to even contemplate where the hell we would put it all.  Yes, the moment when 1800 sq ft isn't enough.

I'm about to embark on a lifetime of making decisions - Which genetic screening to get?  What birth plan?  Cloth or disposable diapers?  Which daycare?  My brain is literally buried under thoughts of wanting to do the very best for our baby.  Meanwhile, pregnancy brain (which is certainly not a myth) is sucking the ability to think straight (or speak English for that matter) out of my body.  Fortunately, husband understands my gibberish, and agrees with most of it - a huge relief.  He even knows how to handle me in a hormone induced emotional crisis, shrouded by tears and snot, while mumbling unintelligible words in his general direction.  Bless him for that. 

So, here's to the middle three months, which are supposed to be the best three of the pregnancy.  I'm excited and strangely zen about everything...I just hope I can hold on to that. 

Holy Shit Batman!

How does one recap 6 months in one blog post?  I haven't looked at this blog in a long time.  I will admit to having thoughts of potentially abandoning it as there are painful reminders here of my angel babies (yes, plural...will get to that momentarily).  I've wondering if posting would jinx the little peanut that is currently growing inside me.  Finally, I've succumb to the many things I just need to get out and so here we go. 

Angel #2
My last post here was in November.  A few days later, Thanksgiving Day...during dinner to be exact, I lost my second angel.  It was a natural miscarriage this time, with no need for any kind of medical intervention.  Tylenol took care of most of the pain and it wasn't unlike having a heavy period.  My wonderful OB saw me shortly after to confirm my body had expelled everything, and was also pro-active enough to send me for a full round of testing.  14 vials of blood later, everything came back fine except one thing.  I have the MTHFR gene mutation - which affects the way my body processes folic acid.  I'm now on a regimen of 5mg folic acid, B6, B12, and baby aspirin to treat this condition.  Is MTHFR (motherf&cker to those of us who have it) what caused my losses?  I doubt we'll ever know for sure, but I wanted to start making sure that I was doing everything possible to take care of the problem.

Super Sperm?
The first month that we had the go ahead to try again was February.  Heading toward ovulation, husband and I had sex the one time, and a day later I came down with the plague (or something that felt one hell of a lot like it).  I was sick for 3 weeks straight, dealing with coughing and asthma.  I figured the month was a wash, and was resigned to "next time".  I started acupuncture too - in part to help with lower back pain, to release the congestion in my chest from my illness, and figured I'd throw the recurrent miscarriage issue in there for good measure.  Later that week, the day after my period was supposed to arrive, I once again peed on a stick (or 3 to be exact), and once again found myself staring at the two lines in complete disbelief that once again husband had hit the mark.  At this point, he's 3 for 3 getting me knocked up on the first try - I'd say he deserves some credit as it's gone past being a coincidence.  Baby #3 was conceived on February 17th, 2012.  It's cool that we know that.

Circle of Life
During this time, husband's grandfather (Poppy) feel very ill.  At a little over 6 weeks pregnant, the entire family gathered at Poppy's bedside to say our final goodbyes.  We shared stories and laughed, but also cried at the anticipated loss of a truly inspiring man.  We believe that, although he was heavily sedated and at rest, that he could hear us and knew we were there with him.  Before leaving the hospital that day, I took a moment to whisper to Poppy that we loved him and that I was pregnant - a child that we would make sure would know of him and would have his spirit.  That night, Poppy passed away peacefully in his sleep at the age of 87.  I truly believe that he heard me and it was one of the many things that helped him to move on.

Anxiety
It took a while after getting my positive test before I decided to call my OB this time around.  It had nothing to do with not wanting his advice, but more than my days as a human pincushion the last round weren't enjoyable.  In fact, knowing that my numbers weren't rising as they should be just put me through worry waiting for everything to go wrong.  When I did call my OB, he must have been reading my mind and just asked me if I'd prefer to wait until my first scheduled appointment, which I did.  Our first appointment happened to be the morning of Poppy's burial.  I was 6w5d.  The first time I had an ultra-sound, nearly a year ago, was when we got the bad news that our first angel had died.  I couldn't help but hold my breath this time around, until my doc showed us the screen and the little 8mm flickering blob, complete with heartbeat. 

Patience
The two weeks until my second scan felt like an eternity.  I had symptoms - sore boobs, the occasional spontaneous barfing, extreme fatigue and a little bit of random weeping at the most asinine things.  Even though I'd seen the baby and seen the heartbeat, it's hard to relax and just enjoy that with the history that I have.  I continued with acupuncture to help enrich my body and keep circulation going nicely, as well as my buffet of tablets each day, now adding progesterone to the mix in case the low progesterone I'd had the first two times was still an issue.  The day I went in for my follow-up appointment, my OB was happy to inform me that everything was "normal".  Such a wonderful word!  My beta levels were normal, my progesterone levels were normal, my immunizations were normal.  I've never been so happy to be normal in my life.  The second scan resulted in a beautiful picture of what looked like an unshelled peanut (8w5d, 22mm, heartbeat still visible).  It grew the perfect amount, my perfectly "normal" little bug. 

And here we are....
Today I'm 10w1d.  We've told family (after weeks of being harassed with their suspicions), and my sister-in-law sent me all of her maternity clothes.  I'm completely unashamed to be wearing maternity pants now.  They're so freakin' comfortable, I don't know why I waited.  My symptoms have started to die down somewhat, although I still have sore boobs and can fall asleep anywhere.  These days, the nausea is mostly under control except for when I'm brushing my teeth, at which point all bets are off.  I still have another 10 days until I get my next scan and get to see my little bug again.  I hope he (or she) is happily growing in there - my little healthy bundle of joy.  Every day at this point is a milestone for me as I've never been this far before.  I'm entering uncharted territory and while I'm still nervous, I'm trying to stay zen (i.e. not freak out and actually enjoy this pregnancy!) 

Just another couple of weeks and we'll start telling the world.  Until then, my story is here for anybody who finds it.